What do you want?
When you hear that question, what comes to mind? For me, it’s a child being asked what they want for Christmas. They don’t shy away from the question — instead, they expound on the endless toys that make the list. They aren’t embarrassed by wanting; they eagerly share the desires of their hearts.
That doesn’t feel like the case in our “mature, adult” minds. We’ve forgotten our kindergarten selves — the ones who would’ve asked for a pony and a monster truck without a care in the world.
What if I told you that “What do you want?” is one of the most important discipleship questions Jesus asks us? In Mark 10, Jesus comes face to face with a blind man, and in Mark 10:51 he asks, “What do you want me to do for you?” It feels like a silly question for Jesus to ask. Throughout his ministry, he had been at work healing people. Then he comes face to face with this man who clearly needs healing — and yet he first asks him, “What do you want?”
James K.A. Smith, in his book You Are What You Love, says, “Our wants and longings and desires are at the core of our identity, the wellspring from which our actions and behavior flow.” How do you think your life, your identity, and your actions could be transformed if you learned what it is you want?
When I have practiced wanting, it has revealed what is truly in my heart. I’ve come face to face with good wants and corrupted desires — and in all of it, with my humanity. In my honest humanness, I wanted comfort. I wanted relief from pain. I wanted the people I love to be protected from harm. I wanted people to like me and be proud of who I was. I wanted God’s approval. Once I got face to face with my wants, that’s where discipleship kicked in. It wasn’t until I became aware of the contents of my heart that I realized where I needed the Spirit to come and do a work.
So again I ask you — and so does Jesus — “What do you want?” I want to challenge you to ask yourself that question this week. Maybe a few times. Our interns will be participating in this practice for the whole month of September. Here is all you need to do: set a timer for five minutes and write out everything that comes to mind. It could be as simple as, “I want a cup of coffee,” or as deep as, “I want to have kids, but the doctors told me there’s no way,” or, “I want to see redemption in that broken relationship.” Once the 5 minutes are up, read the page. Offer up a simple prayer to the Lord saying, “I want to love you here.” Love him right in the middle of your wants and ask him to align the desires of your heart with his.
No matter whether you think it’s too small or too big to desire, Jesus welcomes all of it. He is not surprised by the wants in your heart — in fact, he already knows what they are.
Psalm 91:15–16
“He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.”
“What comes out of one’s life is not by accident, but it’s already in the heart. And the degree to which I am surprised by what comes out of me is the degree to which I do not know my heart. Have you ever been surprised or shocked of what comes out? Or have you ever had great regrets or frustration because of stuff coming out? Excess anger, impatience? You know why? Because you don’t know what’s in your heart. For most of us, our motives were quite opaque.” ~John Coe
